


Suddenly

by nctwitch



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Memories
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 15:32:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14139027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nctwitch/pseuds/nctwitch
Summary: A little escape and a moment for himself to think about a person he didn't talked to for years now: what was Jaehyun doing, while Taeyong was there, out in the cold? Did he have that feeble hope in the heart to meet again the boy too? Was he thinking about Taeyong, about them, together too? Or did he already forget him, about their story, about what they had for years?





	Suddenly

**Author's Note:**

> So !! I'm sorry, but this is:  
> • my first fanfic since literally ages  
> • the first time I write in English, since it's not my first language
> 
> I took inspiration from an Italian song called “D'improvviso” by Lorenzo Fragola (yes, the one who collaborated for the TVXQ song). I recommend it, it's amazing and the feeling it gave me is unique! This is the link: https://youtu.be/gFH7aFfM2Zw

\- - - - - - - - - - - -

 

He threw the rests of his cigarette in the snow at his feet, seeing them making a small yet deep hole in that soft whiteness. For Taeyong, it became a sort of tradition: every Christmas, he went to the deserted station, sat on the same spot on the same bench, and waited for a train he knew would never appear. Jaehyun left him that day, 3 years before, and for the red haired guy Christmas never felt the same as it used to be, even if it was his favorite feast day ─ not that he was a religious guy, he just liked to spent some time with his parents, relaxing from the work since he was on holidays ─ now, the only thing he felt during this period of the year was a strong desire to vomit every sweet thing he put in his stomach in order to fill up the emptiness in his heart. Nothing else.

With his hands covered in a pair of black wool gloves, Taeyong removed the snow from _his_ spot on _his_ bench and he sat down, nothing but calm and silence around him. Even if he liked Christmas, at some point, his house ─ just few blocks far from the station ─ was filled with screaming relatives and he couldn't take it, so this tradition became his little escape from the chaos too. A little escape and a moment for himself to think about a person he didn't talked to for years now: what was Jaehyun doing, while Taeyong was there, out in the cold? Did he have that feeble hope in the heart to meet again the boy too? Was he thinking about Taeyong, about _them_ , _together_ too? Or did he already forget him, about their story, about what they had for years? ─ maybe he knew new people, _a new love_.

 

Taeyong lost control over his train of thoughts...

 

Five Christmases before, they were together, and the memory made Taeyong smile, bitterly, while moving a rebel lock of wine-colored hair from his dark eyes.

They were at Jaehyun's, just the two of them, cuddling in front of the fireplace and talking about irrilevant things ─ or to be strict: Jaehyun was whining about how much he wanted to buy that reindeer plush he saw at the mall, Taeyong was just listening to him and smiling ─ or just being silent, studying each other's expressions and eyes, that always led them to kiss tenderly, putting in that action all the love they felt in the bottom of their hearts. A love that, even after 5 years, kept burning Taeyong's heart the same way.

They grew up together, one soul in two bodies, one was the happiness of the other since they were five, since that day at the park, when a little Jaehyun asked a very shy little Taeyong to play with him, because “he didn't like when someone was sad and alone”. An entire lifetime spent by Jaehyun's side, in different ways, and so many years to spend together, for growing up together, for loving each other.

« Tae? Do you ever think about it? » said suddenly Jaehyun, waking the older one up from the memories of their childhood, who asked « About what? »

« Just the two of us, another country, maybe the States where same-sex couples can get married, can live together. Well, of course we would have five dogs and three kittens. A huge house full of puppies ». Taeyong laughed in the sweetest and most innocent way at Jaehyun's words. _After all those years, he still can read my mind like no one else._

« Let's do it, Jae. Run away with me. Let's leave everything behind, and let's live our life together. You and I, I don't care about how many dogs or kittens we're going to adopt, we can adopt all the dogs in the world if you want. Please Jae, let's do it. » Not even the older was believing his words: Jaehyun was quite rich and he could afford to move to US, while Taeyong...

« ...you know what? Yeah. Let's do it. We're gonna organize everything, and we're going to leave this place, this country. We're gonna leave and we're going to love each other in every corner of the world. »

 

_\- - - - - - - - - - -_

 

« Y-You can't leave, you c... When will you be back? What should I do now? »

Taeyong was in tears, confused, chilly and desperate. He didn't want to believe what Jaehyun was trying to say to him, he just didn't. It wasn't possible. Just a year before they were planning their future together, they were saying to leave the country _together_. And now, Jaehyun was leaving for the States without Taeyong? No way. Taeyong was in complete denial.

« Taeyong... My father decided, I... I didn't want this... I don't know when I will be back, or if I will _ever_ be back... I don't know what to say... It's... it's something for his agency, okay? I can't decide a single thing, and I can't use you or our story as an excuse to change his mind... It would get worse, he... »

« What, Jae? He what?! »

« He told me to burn the bridges. Between us. When we will be there, he will make sure to... I will never be able to contact you... I think he understood there was _something_ between us, these three years... I-I don't know since when he knows, we hid it so well, and my mom didn't tell anything... Nor your parents, since they were so supportive from the beginning... »

Taeyong's heart lost a few beats, he was sure, he _felt them._ It was Christmas' evening, and it was also the last day, the last moments with Jaehyun; the last time he would see his deep, smiley brown eyes, his lips he kissed so many times, addicted to them like a drug, that soft cheeks ─ now wet from the tears, pinkish for the cold and for how much Jaehyun was crying. No one was talking, they were only crying, holding each other like to melt and finally unite that soul they had divided in two in their bodies, in order to never be separated; Taeyong's face was buried in Jaehyun's warm chest ─ the latter had always been taller than the older. It was so surreal, everything seemed so far away from their love, everything was like blocked in the ice, even the time. Yet, the clock continued his ticking, unconcerned about the love between the two guys, about them who were so close to tell each other goodbye, forever.

It was like in the movies: Jaehyun was at the little window of the train, Taeyong was standing still on the platform.  
« I love you, Taeyong. Please, _I beg you, don't forget me..._ I'm so sorry... » were the last words the younger one said to the boy, before he disappeared when the train turned, nowhere to be seen.

 

At first, Taeyong didn't realize he was sobbing helplessly just remembering those things. He was brought back to reality again and he was alone, _again_ , same bench, same spot. The sky was now a dark coat, just a silver moon to light it up, with no stars to make her company. And Taeyong asked himself if the sun had risen where Jaehyun was, if he too was thinking about Taeyong, watching the tricks of the nature, specular yet opposite one another.

The guy dried his eyes, now red and puffy for the crying, and looked again at the same spot where the train divided him from the man he loved, from the man he _loves._

 _It would be amazing if a train arrived now._ But that train would never arrive, nor Jaehyun. So Taeyong took another cigarette from the almost empty package, lighted it calmly, and went home, ready to wear a smile that didn't reflect his heart, broken in pieces since that Christmas, three years before.


End file.
